it’s getting harder and harder to talk to people nowadays. it’s getting harder to keep up a conversation. i keep thinking about this former friend of mine who said frankly (and thank god for him for calling me out on it even though it absolutely ruined me afterwards): “do you realize that every time we talk to each other, we just wait to talk?” it was a very true statement. people are becoming more and more like walls everyday. we can’t even feign interest anymore. we just stare blankly at people, not really taking it all in. we wait until it’s our turn to talk. we wait until that person is silent so we can keep the banter up. there must be no silences, we think. no dead air. keep talking and talking until we drown out that need for companionship that is so hard to attain. we don’t give a shit anymore who understands us because it’s hard to understand in general. so this is why i don’t talk too much anymore. or why i always regret speaking. because nobody is listening. and i feel like a fool afterwards for even attempting.
i cannot think of a way to end this post so i will stop here.